Little Red Riding Hood: A Dramatic Breaking of Walls
by JacobFaeWyldes
Summary: Narrator: Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a little girl who wore a red ho- Red: Are we really going to do this? Narrator: Eh? ...Why are you talking to me! I am The Narrator, you are A Character, this is a wall, don't break it!


**This is something I wrote a few months ago...and now I'm posting it for no apparent reason...soo yeah...**

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 **Little Red Riding Hood: A Dramatic Breaking of Walls**

 **Narrator** : Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a little girl who wore a red ho-

 **Red** : Are we really going to do this?

 **Narrator** : Eh? ...Why are you talking to me!? I am The Narrator, you are A Character, this is a wall, don't break it!

 **Red** : Too late! But seriously, are we really going to go through the entire narrative? Because at this point, I'm pretty sure that everyone in the world knows my story: the little girl goes into the forest to see Grammy and on the way she gets attacked by a so called 'big bad wolf'. But never fear! The little girl escapes to grandma's house! Oh no! Plot Twist! The Wolf got there first and is tying up the grandma and almost eats the little girl! Is all hope lost? Only, another plot twist! A woodsman will save the damsels at the last moment! Did old fashion much? Where's the feminine individuality?

 **Narrator** : (Sigh)...Look, kid. I was hired to tell this story and I'm going to try my level best to do it well. Old Fashioned it may be, but 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. Now, let me tell the story. If you keep interrupting me, I can't do my job. And I rather like being paid, thank you very much.

 **Red** : (Sarcastically) Well. I'm sorry.

 **Narrator** : Apology accepted. Now, where was I?...oh yes, there lived a little girl who wore a-

 **Red** : But, I'm not going to be saved by a giant with too much muscle and not enough brains to use them!

 **Narrator** : (sigh) Can I just tell the story? Please?

 **Red** : By all means, don't wait on my account.

 **Narrator** : ...Right… Anyways-

 **Red** : But skip to the good part!

 **Narrator** : ...Yeah, No…

 **Red** : Awwe…

 **Narrator** : Shush! …Little Red Riding Hood was traipsing through the forest, happy as her little heart could be, when suddenly a wolf jumps out from behind a group of trees!

 **Wolf** : (Growling) Hello, Little girl! That basket of yours bears quite a pleasing aroma. Maybe you would be so kind as to give it to me!

 **Red:** Hello, Lupus Canis!

 **Wolf** : (Confused)...What?

 **Red** : Well, you called me a little girl, so I thought we were stating the obvious. And how about I don't give you my basket, if that alright with you?

 **Wolf** : No, I really want that basket. I'm hungry.

 **Red** : That's too bad.

Narrator: And with that, Little Red Riding Hood screamed and darted around the wolf, hightailing it to her Grandmother's house. She burst through the door of her grandmother's cottage, breathing heavily. Only to be greeted by the sight of the wolf stuffing her grandmother into a closet!

 **Red** : What?! But I- You- How'd you get here before me?!

Narrator: He- ...Ehm, how did you get here first?

 **Wolf** : (Shrugging) You got me. *Pulls down a map* By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.

 **Grandma** : (Muffled) Red, darling, would you do me a favor?

 **Red** : Sure?

 **Grandma** : RRUN!

 **Narrator** : The young girl looked at the wolf, with his bared teeth and said:

 **Red** : Yes, ma'am.

 **Narrator** : And promptly turned and made a swift exit, stage right. The wolf gave chase immediately. Meanwhile, a broad-shouldered woodsman tramped up the forest path singing a pleasant tune, lugging a felled tree behind him.

 **Woodsman** : (sing-song) Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to the mill I go-

 **Narrator** : He was interrupted in his merry song by a small red... _thing_ colliding with his stomach. The red thing was, of course, our fourth wall breaking Main Character-

 **Red** : (Gasp)... You…(Gasp)... Don't…(Gasp)...Need to…(Gasp) State it outright.

 **Woodsman** : Who are you talking to little girl?

 **Red** : Oh, no one in particular...say are you free right now?

 **Woodsman** : Yes, why?

 **Red** : Because there's a wolf trying to kill me, and I would be ever so grateful if you might act as my human shield while I think of a plan to get rid of it.

 **Narrator** : Oh, so now you're an expert on dealing with wolves, eh? And who said he wanted to kill you?

 **Red** : Shut up you! I wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't decided to tell the story! I was retired! Perfectly fine just sitting on the bookshelf. But, _nooo_ you had to go and agree to record an audiobook of _my_ story.

 **Woodsman** : ...I'm confused.

 **Wolf** : Yeh. All I wanted was the basket of food. Is that too much to ask for?

 **Grandmother** : Well, seeing as my granddaughter has gone insane and it currently yelling at the sky. I would be happy to bake you both something.

 **Wolf** : ...Meh, why not.

 **Woodsman** : I'm game.

 **Narrator** : And with that the three side character walked back to the house, leaving Little Red Riding Hood to her argument with the sky. Wait for me! I want chocolate chunk cookies!

 **THE END**

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 **If you like this and want more then let me know, I have a Greek-Myth-Rewrite-Type-Thing that I'm writing right now, that I might post...**  
 **Thank you for reading!**  
 **-Rene**


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